Happy June  Helen,

Heads up I get very reflective at the beginning of the month so grab a coffee or your favorite beverage.....

Question: How do you feel about change? If you are like most people, change; both good and bad can be stressful. It activates our nervous system. 

Why am I telling you this?

I have a practice of taking the last week of the month off  to rest, to catch up on work etc. In the last week of April 2024, I took a week off. When I came back, my landlady informed me she had put the building I live in on the market.

And to say my nervous system was activated would be an understatement.

For two months, buyers walked through my home looking at everything. It felt incredibly vulnerable. There were questions. There was uncertainty. There were endless unknowns.

Would the building sell? Who would buy it? Would I need to move? What would happen next?

I remember April through June of 2024 as some of the hardest months I had experienced in a very long time. My mind wanted certainty. My nervous system wanted certainty. And I spent enormous energy trying to think my way into a future that felt safe.

Fast forward to last week.

Ironically, last week was also my week off.

I still did some work — apparently that is what happens when you are building a business. But I also rested. I walked. I listened to teachings. I spent time reconnecting with myself.

And then, over the weekend, I learned that the building had been sold.

Not listed.

Sold. 

I have lived here for 10 years and I love it here so it’s a big deal …

There will be inspections. Repairs are being made. And there is still uncertainty. I don't know what the new owners will do. I don't know if they will keep the building. I don't know what changes are coming.

And yet, this time the experience is completely different.

The circumstances are remarkably similar. The uncertainty is still there. Life is still life-ing. Change is still happening.

The difference is that I am different.

And I want to be really honest with you about that, Helen — because I think it is easy to hear "I did the inner work and now I am fine" and feel like something was fundamentally different about me, or fundamentally wrong about you. That is not what happened.

What happened is that my nervous system learned something new. Not through reading about it. Or through a single breakthrough moment. Through repeatedly doing the work, in real situations with real stakes.- I have been tapping for 1182 days straight so when I say repeatedly I'm not kidding.

So my nervous system is finally getting the memo  that uncertainty is not automatically a threat.

It is not that life is easier. It is that I increased my capacity to respond to life. This is what I call nervous system capacity — and it is the thing I work on with every client I have ever had, because without it, no strategy in the world holds.

What the nervous system does with change

This is what I try to explain to clients — and sometimes words fall short.

Our nervous systems love familiarity. They love what is known, what feels predictable. Even when the familiar is not working. Even when we are unhappy. Even when we know we want more.

Because familiarity feels safer than the unknown.

This is not a mindset problem. It is not a discipline problem. It is not even a fear problem — not in the way we usually mean fear. It is a nervous system doing exactly what nervous systems were designed to do. Keeping us in the territory it knows. Flagging the unfamiliar as potential danger. Pulling us back toward what it can predict.

And here is the part that gets women: the nervous system does not distinguish between the kind of change that threatens your survival and the kind that leads to your expansion. To your nervous system, charging more can feel as threatening as losing everything. Becoming more visible can feel as dangerous as genuine rejection. Setting a boundary with someone you love can trigger the same alarm as actual abandonment.

This is why so many brilliant women stay stuck. Not because they do not know what they want. They do. Or because they lack courage or capability. They have both. But because the body keeps pulling them back toward what it already knows  and that is how to survive.

One of my clients puts it simply: "I prefer my comfort zone."

Who doesn't? But until we do the work of showing the nervous system that the unfamiliar is not the enemy it will still get triggered.

This 20 minute course is the perfect place to begin rewiring your nervous system. 

20 Minutes to Calm $9

The pivot

This year has felt like a year of pivoting for me. My business is changing. My living situation is changing. And perhaps most importantly — I am changing.  I am embodying more of who I have always been.

And something else feels different too.

I feel more optimistic than I have in a long time. It's not that  I suddenly love uncertainty. I don't. But I was listening to a teaching recently where the speaker asked: "What if you stopped playing the game of scarcity and started playing the game of abundance?"

And my immediate response was: heck yes.

 I have a PhD in scarcity and lack. I know fear. I know worry. I know what it feels like to believe that everything depends on me figuring it all out.

I have gathered plenty of data in that game.

And I am ready to play a different one. This is what a setpoint shift actually feels like from the inside — not a decision, not a mindset flip, but a slow, earned change in what your nervous system believes is safe to want. The game of possibility. The game of trust. The game of remembering that uncertainty does not automatically mean danger. That change might actually be making room for something greater.

Not to control life. But to participate in it.

Where are you right now?

I would love to know. Hit reply with whichever fits:

Are you in the middle of a change that has your nervous system activated — and it does not feel like growth yet, it just feels hard?

Or have you had one of those moments where you got the same situation that used to level you, and realized you were different inside it?

Or do you just want to tell me what is unfolding for you right now?

I read everything. I write back.

If you made it up to here; massive thanks!

P.S. Do you want to hear me geeking out on how the nervous system shapes reality? Have a listen here. It's about 10 minutes long and you’ll not only learn about the nervous system you’ll learn about what I do.

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